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JOKES
Nov 16, 2005 11:58:52 GMT -5
Post by AVP PEANUT on Nov 16, 2005 11:58:52 GMT -5
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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JOKES
Nov 16, 2005 12:29:43 GMT -5
Post by AVP PEANUT on Nov 16, 2005 12:29:43 GMT -5
Desperately seeking technical support! I'm currently running the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 for years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if you minimize Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can't find the switch to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with Golfware, often trying to abort my Golf program with some sort of timing incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with Girlfriend 2.0. After months of conflicts, I consulted a friend who has experience with Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0 and eventually it would require a Token Ring upgrade to run properly. He was right. As soon as I purged my cache, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself. Shortly after that, I installed a Girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. After a hard drive clean up and thorough virus scan I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0. This time using a SCSI probe and virus protection. It worked OK for a while until I discovered Girlfriend 1.0 wasn't completely uninstalled! I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has an unadvertised feature that automatically senses the presence of Girlfriend 1.0 and communicates with it in some way, resulting in the immediate removal of both versions! The version I have now works pretty well, but, like all versions, there are still some problems. The Girlfriend package is written in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. And I've never liked how Girlfriend is totally 'object-oriented.' A year ago, a friend upgraded his version to GirlfriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate-and-Stay resident version. He discovered GirlfriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiance9e 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, you have to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a 'huge resource hog.' It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons that he upgraded to Wife is because it came bundled with FreeSex 1.0. Well, it turns out that the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSex (particularly the new Plug and Play items he wanted to try). On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. And, although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0, which has an automatic popup feature he can't turn off. I told him to install Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife, that Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway, due to insufficient resources. If anybody out there is able to offer technical advice...
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neo
Junior Member
Posts: 95
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JOKES
Nov 17, 2005 20:52:10 GMT -5
Post by neo on Nov 17, 2005 20:52:10 GMT -5
question is kinda like a joke
*there are 3 words that end in -gry, what is the third word
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neo
Junior Member
Posts: 95
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JOKES
Nov 17, 2005 20:52:50 GMT -5
Post by neo on Nov 17, 2005 20:52:50 GMT -5
if u know the answer tell it, if not ill give it
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JOKES
Nov 17, 2005 22:40:52 GMT -5
Post by andreas on Nov 17, 2005 22:40:52 GMT -5
It's a riddle but I can't figure it out.
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JOKES
Nov 19, 2005 7:15:31 GMT -5
Post by Method on Nov 19, 2005 7:15:31 GMT -5
ok, what do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no ideer... lol get it?
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JOKES
Nov 19, 2005 22:56:44 GMT -5
Post by Loco on Nov 19, 2005 22:56:44 GMT -5
LOL!! the first joke was great hahahaha!
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JOKES
Nov 20, 2005 3:04:18 GMT -5
Post by sean lopez on Nov 20, 2005 3:04:18 GMT -5
Why didint the Chicken cross the road??? Cause he/she was a chicken....ha ha... I know my jokes suck..So what!!!! ;D
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JOKES
Nov 20, 2005 3:11:19 GMT -5
Post by sean lopez on Nov 20, 2005 3:11:19 GMT -5
Your momma is so fat that I had sex with the b***, rolled over twice and I was still on the B****your mother is so stupid that she sits on the TV and watches the Couch ;D you mother is so short, she can glide on a Dorito ;DYou mother is so short you can see her feet on her driver's Licence why cant superman fly anymore?? He fell off a horse.. (I know is a mean joke ..hear it in school_ RIP
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chancer
Rookie Member
Member of AVP
Posts: 35
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JOKES
Nov 20, 2005 4:58:24 GMT -5
Post by chancer on Nov 20, 2005 4:58:24 GMT -5
If the pilgrims would have killed a cat instead of a turkey, we'd all be eating p*ssy for thanksgiving.
lol, happy thanksgiving all!
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JOKES
Nov 20, 2005 11:38:51 GMT -5
Post by AVP PEANUT on Nov 20, 2005 11:38:51 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]FROM PEANUT[/glow]:EXCELLENT TY GUYS FOR POSTING YOUR JOKES HERE.... A LITTLE HUNOUR HELPS...... I WILL BE SETTING UP SOMETHING THAT--EACH MEMEBER CAN SUBMIT A JOKE FOR THE [glow=red,2,300]PEANUT JOKE OF THE MONTH[/glow]...WE CAN TAKE A VOTE ON THE BEST JOKES----] AND PEANUT WILL HAVE A SPECIAL PRICE--- I WAS THINKING GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR WINNER OR A PRIZE..NO MORE THEN 50 DOLLARS ANY SUGGESTIONS ON PRIZES---PEANUT WILL TAKE CARE OF IT... BUT DON'T WANT TO DO CASH HARD TO MAIL IT---HOWEVER GIFT CERTIFICATES ECT..... GUYS LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK--AND IF IT IS A GO I CAN POST CONTEST RULES... AND WE CAN START... FROM:PEANUT
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JOKES
Nov 20, 2005 23:44:47 GMT -5
Post by sean lopez on Nov 20, 2005 23:44:47 GMT -5
Sounds Awesome Peanut!! I have my joke for the month already ;D I think the best price will be Quake 4 for the winner!!!!!! and If the winner has it ...than another awesome PC game what u think ~SEAN
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JOKES
Nov 21, 2005 11:16:21 GMT -5
Post by AVP PEANUT on Nov 21, 2005 11:16:21 GMT -5
PEANUT::JOKE OF THE MONTH RULES--ONLY AVP MEMBERS-- MAY SUBMIT.
--NEW MEMBERS AS OF THIS DATE WILL HAVE TO WAIT AN ADDITIONAL MONTH TO PARTICIPATE.
--LENGTH OF JOKE IS OPTIONAL.
--MAXIMUM OF ONLY 2 JOKES MAY BE SUBMITTED PER AVP CLAN MEMBERS PER MONTH...
--PICTURES CAN BE SUBMITTED -WITH JOKE..BUT NOT ALONE.
--ANY AVP MEMBER CAN PARTICIPATE OTHER THEN THE JUDGE--(PEANUT..aka--AL PACINO..
-- PRIZE WILL BE NO HIGHER THEN A 50 DOLLAR VALUE.....
--WINNER OF THE MONTH WILL HAVE A VARIETY OF OPTIONS FOR PRIZE MUST PICK ONE..
--CASH NOT INCLUDED...
--WINNER MUST PROVIDE CORRECT INFORMATION FOR DELIVERY PURPOSES.
--WINNERS WILL BE DETERMINED BY PEANUT AND POSTED ON THE 12th OF EVERY MONTH.
-- ENTRIES MUST BE POSTED IN THE JOKE FOLDER CREATED BY PEANUT..
--OTHER JOKES CAN BE PLACED IN JOKE SECTION..BUT ONLY THOSE THAT HAVE JOKE OF THE MONTH FOR PEANUT WILL BE CONSIDERED..PEANUT:
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neo
Junior Member
Posts: 95
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JOKES
Nov 23, 2005 23:37:17 GMT -5
Post by neo on Nov 23, 2005 23:37:17 GMT -5
PEANUT::JOKE OF THE MONTH RULES--ONLY AVP MEMBERS-- MAY SUBMIT.
--NEW MEMBERS AS OF THIS DATE WILL HAVE TO WAIT AN ADDITIONAL MONTH TO PARTICIPATE.
--LENGTH OF JOKE IS OPTIONAL.
--MAXIMUM OF ONLY 2 JOKES MAY BE SUBMITTED PER AVP CLAN MEMBERS PER MONTH...
--PICTURES CAN BE SUBMITTED -WITH JOKE..BUT NOT ALONE.
--ANY AVP MEMBER CAN PARTICIPATE OTHER THEN THE JUDGE--(PEANUT..aka--AL PACINO..
-- PRIZE WILL BE NO HIGHER THEN A 50 DOLLAR VALUE.....
--WINNER OF THE MONTH WILL HAVE A VARIETY OF OPTIONS FOR PRIZE MUST PICK ONE..
--CASH NOT INCLUDED...
--WINNER MUST PROVIDE CORRECT INFORMATION FOR DELIVERY PURPOSES.
--WINNERS WILL BE DETERMINED BY PEANUT AND POSTED ON THE 12th OF EVERY MONTH.
-- ENTRIES MUST BE POSTED IN THE JOKE FOLDER CREATED BY PEANUT..
--OTHER JOKES CAN BE PLACED IN JOKE SECTION..BUT ONLY THOSE THAT HAVE JOKE OF THE MONTH FOR PEANUT WILL BE CONSIDERED..PEANUT: i need a summarize on this one, my mind's cloudy today
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neo
Junior Member
Posts: 95
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JOKES
Nov 23, 2005 23:41:04 GMT -5
Post by neo on Nov 23, 2005 23:41:04 GMT -5
question is kinda like a joke *there are 3 words that end in -gry, what is the third word this is how it goes there are 3 words the end in -gry first is angry, 2nd is hungry,then what is the third word? *********THINK************* *********THINK************ *********THINK************ ok WHAT is the third word. period. if u don't get it, the question is telling that WHAT 3rd word.. have fun ^_^
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